August 29th, 2006

Do you ever get tired of waiting around, especially when you are totally not in control and you aren’t sure of your future? That about sums up the way I’ve felt the past 2 weeks. Even though God has been very gracious to me by allowing me to get better and stronger each day, I want to take back control of my life. It has been difficult to release my will and let God continue to “drive” through this process.

At my doctor appointment today I found out that the bone marrow biopsy on August 16th showed my marrow has about 7% blast (leukemia) cells in it. That is down from 97% in May and 65% in July. When my marrow is below 5% leukemic cells, I will be classified as no longer in the blast phase of leukemia. I will be back in the chronic phase. 5% is the magic number where my transplant should be less troublesome and the likelihood of reoccurrence of CML is much less. 0% blasts in my marrow is, of course, better.

Now my doctor and I are trying to decide when the best time for the transplant will be. Waiting to get to 0% has real benefits. However, there is no guarantee that I will ever get to 0%. Waiting too long could allow me to back into blast crisis at a very fast rate. I feel like someone with the dice at a craps table who has won a great deal of money. How many more rolls should I take? I could win even more money, but I could lose it all in one bad roll. As Clint Eastwood says “Do I feel lucky?”

My blood counts are doing very, very well. My white cells, neutrophils, platelets and most other cells are in the normal range. My red cell count, including hemoglobin and hematocrit, is gaining every day and close to the normal range. My stamina is doing much better so that Barbara and I are playing some par 3 golf. After I hit an extra large bucket of balls at the driving range I’m a little pooped, but my energy comes back pretty fast.

I’m not sure where my treatment is going from here. From what my doctor and I discussed it sounds like the transplant will start in early October if everything continues as it has. There are a lot of things that have to fall in place by God’s grace before the transplant can happen. There is a great donor match for me. The match is not perfect, but it is as close as it can be without being perfect and is certainly good enough to proceed. Two more donor blood samples arrived last week and those samples are being processed. As long as I continue to get better and the decision to start the transplant hasn’t happened, OHSU will continue to search for donor matches. It is so reassuring to have a suitable match on hold.

Again, I’m just blown away that God has chosen to bless me with life when so many with my disease are dying. It is just another example of God’s grace, which means undeserved favor or blessing.

Thanks for all of your prayers. Keep them coming. They are working.