October 20, 2007

I’ve been home for 2 weeks now and gaining strength very slowly, but steadily. I’ve had a couple bouts with GvHD (I think). No one is sure but my stomach objected strongly to some new foods on both occasions. I’m still trying to figure out how to progress with food variety and not wake the sleeping giant.

Barbara and I are both trying to figure out what in life is next for us. God hasn’t laid out His plan distinctly to either of us so we are at a loss of how to plan. Since we want to be in God’s will, we are trying to be effective each day (in our limitations), yet be ready to yield to God’s direction. We are really trying to live one day at a time.

A good friend asked me if visualizing where I will be in the future helps to plan a strategy on how to get there. He was thinking as a runner who is training to run a marathon. Since the future is not mine to plan, what do I visualize?

Today when Barbara and I were reading together, a scripture helped me to express how I feel about this.

Proverbs 20:24 - A man’s steps are directed by the LORD,
How then can anyone understand his own way?

We actually have gotten out of the house a few times to places where we feel the germ count is not too great. We started feeling like we were under house arrest when my strength became such that I could get out of the car and walk a good distance with my walker. The walls of our family room were becoming far too familiar.

As my marrow has been rebuilding, the BCR-ABL level in my blood has been increasing ever so slightly. This blood protein is the barometer of how many leukemia cells are present. The doctor expected the level to rise slightly in the beginning as the marrow rebuilt until the donor cells became established enough to kill the leukemia cells. However, a rising BCR-ABL level can also mean the leukemia is coming back.

Last Wednesday I received the latest BCR-ABL level test results. The level was less than half of the previous test. The level reduction, along with the 2 bouts of GvHD, could easily mean that the donor cells are becoming active and strong and that they are combating the leukemia. We will have to wait until the next test report comes back to see any trend.

I am convinced that the lower BCR-ABL level is due to so many of you praying for God to be glorified by healing me of this disease. I have to admit that I was expecting the results to show a rise in the level again. My lack of faith was covered by your prayers. Thanks!!

October 9, 2007

I came home last Friday and it was wonderful. My balance is impaired and my strength is still low, but I am managing to climb the stairs and everyday getting around with a walker. I’ve been getting used to managing my own time, instead of someone else managing me. My greatest hurdle now is whether the leukemia comes back. Only God knows the answer to my future. It’s increasing evident the medical community doesn’t.

Barbara and I have been reading a book called “90 Minutes in Heaven” by Don Piper. I really related to the thoughts and experience of the author. I do not claim to have gone through the intense pain he experienced, but I have experienced the depression, feelings of helplessness, loneliness and some degree of pain and suffering.

In the book Don Piper is pronounced clinically dead for 90 minutes from a car accident and experiences heaven. Through prayer he is brought back to life. The book is his journey to heaven and dealing with being brought back from paradise. It’s an easy read and you can get it at any Christian book store. It is apparently out of stock regularly due to its popularity so you may have to order it.

I have been thinking about the fact that prayer brought Don Piper back to life. Will God answer your prayers for my healing? We will find out as each day unfolds. God knows best where He wants me to be and I am good with that.

It won’t be long until I can go out into public (crowds). I can’t wait to get back to church and worship with my friends. Who knows, I may come and visit you.

October 3, 2007

Well its official, I’M GOING HOME FRIDAY. The occupational and physical therapists agree that I have progressed enough to safely go home. I will be going home this Friday morning after being away for over 2 months, actually 3 months my including June hospital stay.

My strength is improving daily. I have been walking 150 feet to the therapy room, doing a session of therapy and walking 150 feet back to my room. This may not seem like much, but I was unable to even stand when I got here three weeks ago. I have to use a walker but I am pushing it around more and leaning on it less every day. My quads are still weak so I still cannot get out of lower height chairs. A good friend had a lift chair and has provided it for me to use at home. That will be most helpful.

One of the main goals of therapy was my ability to go up and down stairs. Yesterday I went up 27 stairs (3 sets of 9). I am anxious to see how I go up the 14 steps in our house. I’ll need to navigate our stairs at least twice a day, down in the morning and up at night.

It is such a blessing for me to be able to go home. God has listened to your prayers. Thank you all for praying. There are many things I look forward to by being home. The first is that it will be a huge load taken off of Barbara. She has been such a loving, faithful and giving wife. When home, she won’t have the stress of getting to where I am and staying there for hours. Now she can live a more normal life.

Secondly, Barbara and I went over a shopping list that will allow us to make some great dishes to eat. We enjoy cooking and it will be wonderful making dishes I can eat with my GvHD, yet are tasty and have more variety. I could go on and on with things I am looking forward to by being home. They all have to do with a greater sense of normalcy.

I do not know what my new normal will be. How much more will I improve? How long will rehabilitation take? Where will I end up physically? The biggest question we have is will the leukemia stay controlled? These questions can only be answered by time. All we can know is that God knows and His plan is best.

September 29, 2007

I am still at the rehab center and improving every day. I talked them into having physical therapy twice a day instead of once a day. That has made a real difference in my progression. When I got here I couldn’t walk more than a few feet with the help of someone and a walker. Now I’m walking 150 feet to therapy with a walker, doing therapy and walking back. Stairs are a hard exercise to do. Yesterday I went up a flight of 9 steps twice.

I’m thinking they are going to kick me out of here in less than a week. I can get out of a taller chair with arm rests ok. If the chair is too low I’m stuck without help. As I progress, the chair height I can get out of gets lower. This has been a slow process.

I don’t know how long it will be before I can get out of the low couch and chairs we have at home. We may need to buy a tall chair for me for a while. We will make it work. I’m so anxious to get home since its been 2 months since I was last there. It is surrealistic to me that I may be going there soon.

All my labs, including the PCR ABL test, indicate the leukemia is all but gone. It’s a waiting game to see if things change and the leukemia comes back. There are a lot of you praying that it won’t. I appreciate your prayers more than you will ever know.

I received an email the other day that really struck me. It was about a teacher who had asked her class to write down the Seven Wonders of the World. One girl sat quietly in the back so the teacher went to see if she needed help. When asked how she was doing, the girl replied that she thought she was doing well but there were so many it was hard to limit. On her paper the teacher saw the following.

1. to see


2. to hear


3. to smell


4. to touch


5. to feel


6. to laugh


7. to love

The greatest wonders of the world are not man made they are gifts we were created with.